Depression is like a virus. It injects itself into your thoughts and, like infected cells, replicates. Mantras like “Give up” “I’m worthless” “I want to die” reproduce over and over again. My brain has no anti-bodies for the invasive thoughts. Every time I hear a voice say, “Kill yourself.”, my brain’s automated response is, “I should kill myself. I’m just using up oxygen that could be put to better use.” The disease continues to spread….
Depression is like the narcissistic boyfriend that gaslights me into thinking I’m the problem. With subtle hints about how my clothes, taste in friends, and career choice are all pathetic, he gets inside my head. Even though deep down I know he’s wrong, I can’t help but wonder if he’s right. Maybe the way I dress does suck and my friends don’t care about me and I am pathetic….
Depression is like a little red devil sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear that there’s no such thing as a little red devil. All the while, tempting me to drown out the voice he says isn’t really there with drugs, alcohol, cutting, and anger….
I don’t know the scientific reason why depression is so convincing. I guess I could do some research on chemicals and neurotransmitters. But the empirical evidence is clear; depression is real as hell, and so are its lies. Real… but untrue.