I used to be in a co-dependent relationship with myself. Bipolar was my abuser (or my drug, depending on the day) and denial was my enabler (or protector, depending on the day). Although sometimes I think they would occasionally switch places, just to throw me off. I lived with a duality that blows my mind to this day. Some days my Bipolar would beat me down and tell me I was nothing, on another, lift me up and tell me I could do anything. Denial was there too, helping me to ignore the consequences of having a mood disorder. It doesn’t make any sense. But you know what, abusive relationships never do.
Insanity thrives within this kind of codependency. And I mean classic insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I don’t mean to brag or anything, but I am excellent at being insane. I’ve never held a job longer than a year, finished school (three colleges, two of them twice), or stayed in a relationship longer than three months. I’m not ashamed of my life history, and the pattern that I’ve described is not indicative of insanity in itself. It’s not that I’m lazy or give up easily, quite the opposite, I work hard at always not finishing everything. I’m being tongue in cheek and a little cynical. Insanity demands a great amount of effort and one other key component: Denial.
It pays off to be in a relationship with Denial. It will protect you from any form of self-honesty, move you past consequences, and support you in your bad decisions. For me, Denial helped me believe I could continue with my pattern of depression and mania without consequences. In that sense, I was very much like an addict. Co-dependency, addiction, denial.. those traits all live inside mental illness in some way. They weave together to create amazing forms of dysfunction.